The Process of Connection

We’ve had Elise for 2 days now. There are definitely a lot of challenges involved in such a dramatic change for all our lives. I feel like everything has been going very well, mostly because we’re working very hard to figure each other out. So far, this is some of what I’ve learned about my daughter:

1.     She is very strong-willed and persistent, especially when she wants to (or doesn’t want to) do something. We knew that getting her to take a bath was going to be a challenge. She has acted like the bathroom is some sort of toddler minefield since we brought her to our hotel room, and she pitched a fit any time we did something that might indicate she would need to bathe. So, this morning we mustered up the courage to get her into the bath (actually, Catherine decided we needed to. I was willing to go as long as possible before facing this ordeal—maybe until those squiggly lines started emanating from her like in Charlie Brown cartoons). She flew into a rage as soon as she realized what was about to happen, but we pushed through, and she calmed down pretty quickly once she got in and realized that we weren’t actually torturing her.

2.     She has a very small, sweet, quiet voice… until she gets angry. We had to go to a clinic today for a final physical, and she was NOT happy about that (especially when she had to have a shot). The clinic was very crowded, but when we emerged from the exam room, it was clear that everyone else in that place had heard just how unhappy she was. It’s almost comical how so much sound can come from such a small person.

3.     She loves to be held and carried. We tried to use a stroller yesterday for the first time. She tolerated that only for a while, but I don’t think there’s been a time yet where she wanted to get down from being carried. One of the first English words she has mastered is “up!”. I think in most situations parents want to encourage some sense of independence in their child, but at this point, the need to form a bond outweighs any sort of independence, so I’m happy to carry her around as long as I can.

4.     She loves to laugh, and to make sure everyone else is laughing with her. She’s probably knocked over the stacking cups we have for her a couple hundred times by now, but it’s still hilarious.

5.     She is EXTREMELY possessive. I mentioned this from the first day, but it’s a big one for her. It probably stems from whatever survival instincts she learned at the orphanage, so I can completely understand. It definitely poses a challenge when she gets ahold of something random like a small sign at a store and decides it’s hers. For such a small person, she has a monstrous death grip. Fortunately, I can see small signs that she can learn to share at some point, and right now bonding with her takes precedent over correcting her.

6.     She’s very smart, and is always working to figure things out. Yes, I know, every parent says that, but it’s too obvious NOT to mention. Everyone else who has met her and can speak her language tells us how smart she is, and I’m sure Chinese culture would never allow courtesy to take precedence over honesty, right? But seriously, it’s fun that she tries so hard to repeat everything we say back to us, and I’m confident she’ll be speaking English in no time.

I don’t really have the energy right now, but at some point I’ll post some more photos, and I’ll put something together with all the video we have from the day we met Elise. That was some pretty cool stuff.